joey G asked:
My boyfriend and i have known each other for a year now and we have a healthy relationship. The problem started when we started to make out and be involved in heavy petting. I feel really guilty about it as my family is strongly against pre-marital ***. This problem created a gap in our relationship as i’m always trying to pull away from my boyfriend. Is it wrong to have pre marital *** at the age of 20? My family has always taught me about being a pure woman with strong values and pride. My mother especially taught me to keep my virginity till i’m married but i do love my boyfriend. Help please, i’m in a dilemma.Thank you.
Jean
My boyfriend and i have known each other for a year now and we have a healthy relationship. The problem started when we started to make out and be involved in heavy petting. I feel really guilty about it as my family is strongly against pre-marital ***. This problem created a gap in our relationship as i’m always trying to pull away from my boyfriend. Is it wrong to have pre marital *** at the age of 20? My family has always taught me about being a pure woman with strong values and pride. My mother especially taught me to keep my virginity till i’m married but i do love my boyfriend. Help please, i’m in a dilemma.Thank you.
Jean
Alma
making love, especially with a man you love, is not dirty.
Debra
If you are comfortable and ready then go ahead. but i dont see how the ‘marriage’ tag’s gonna make u comfortable and ready!
Beverly
You are 20 years old, its your decision. Having *** does not change who you are. You will still have your pride and dignity. Who came up with the rule that you can only have *** when you are married anyway.
Dawn
A piece of paper (ie a marriage certificate) doesn’t prove anything. If you feel that you are ready then don’t worry about your parents…plus you are 20….how are they going to know what you have been doing?? It’s not their business anymore.
Sheila
Well, I did have pre-marital ***…but I also think that one’s beliefs are very important. How does your boyfriend feel about waiting for marriage until having ***? It sounds as though he doesn’t want to wait. So, some questions for you…what are YOUR beliefs now that you are an adult, not your family’s. And, if waiting for marriage is truly important to you, and your boyfriend does not feel the same….maybe he is not the right person for you in the long run….especially if he pressures you into having ***. Does he want to get married? Would he be willing to wait? That is important to know. If you do decide to have *** before getting married, just use protection, and get on birth control! I got pregnant out-of-wedlock twice. Luckily, the second time it was with the love of my life and we got married. But trust me, it is no fun raising a child on your own! Good luck!
Carolyn
I agree with Aimee C. You are an adult. You can make your own decisions. Your parents are not going to know what you do. Were they both virgins when they married? I would doubt it. Make sure that you have safe *** if you do it so you don’t get pregnant.
David
Tell your boyfriend how much you love him and explained to him how you feel. It is not wrong to remain virgin in your age. In my experience If I can turn the clock back I would preferred your virgin on my wedding day. In your case it’s not to late, if your boyfriend really love you and respect you and your decision then he can wait.
Reginald
Hmmm, this reminds me of the movie splendor in the grass. Anyhow, you are 20 aren’t you? i believe you have your own beliefs and stand in this relationship. Does your boyfriend pester you into having *** or are you both madly in love that you wanna take the next step? Make this decision before any regrets and i agree that making love to the man you love is no sin. Why do you have to feel guilty? Is it because of your family values? Start to discover your own values and good luck!
Roberto
Sometimes I feel its better to wait. I do not have strong reason why I do say that because it can be argued against. But follow your heart. As me, my parents have instilled strong morals and values in me, resulting in my conscience being super active. So i cant have pre-marital *** no matter how tempting it is.
For you, you should really ask yourself is he the one? Because this process of “de-flowering” is irreversible and you cant get it back. Think about it over…. over..and over again. And ask urself if you ready for the consequences if anything screws up.
Charlene
there is absolutely nothing wrong with pre-marital sex, unless of course, it makes you late for the wedding. The choice is yours not your parents, not your boyfriends, it’s all in your hands.
Shannon
The choice is yours. dont have *** just to make your boyfriend happy. do whatever make you happy.
Juan
If you consider yourself a very Godly person then you need to listen to your family and know that you are doing the right things. If you cuss, smoke, drink, party. Do anything that is a sin, then having prematerial *** is no worse in my eyes. The main thing is to know that you are with the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with and make sure to use protection…. Good luck and know that you will be a changed person
Charlie
If the only thing you are worried about is your parents then don’t be you are an adult you can do whatever you want. But if you do want to wait until you are married then wait don’t let your boyfriend pressure you in to anything. I personally don’t see anything wrong with *** before marriage, especially as you and this guy are in a serious relationship he isn’t just some random guy.
But all in all only you know how you really feel if you want to do, if not don’t.
good luck
Roberta
The person you have to be true to is you. So do some serious thinking about how YOU feel about this situation. Don’t be afraid to talk it out with your boyfriend. If this is the man you’re meant to be that intimate with he also better be the man you’re able to talk to about it before it happens.
But you’re the one who is going to have to make the decision and live with the consequences. So don’t do anything until you’re ready to. And be ready to take all the precautions you can when you do decide to, whether it’s before or after marriage.
Rose
That is a very personal decision… you are an adult and can make your own decision. Are you planning to marry this guy ? Do you want to wait til your wedding night? If you do, just tell him how much it means to you to wait.
Helen
I think you know that it’s wrong because you are hesitant to do it. Doubt mean don’t. If you are unsure about a situation don’t do it. I’m only 2 years older than you and I can say that I wish I had waited until I got married or until I met the guy I planned to marry. .
Society teaches us that *** is okay as long as you use protection and are sure.
Your parents taught you premaritial *** is wrong. I agree with your parents. A virgin is an EXTREMELY difficult thing to find.
Dicuss this in depth with your boyfriend. (Like more than once or twice) If he’s “the one”, he will understand how important this is and things will work out fine. If he wants to leave you over not having sex, TRUST me he isn’t the one you want to give purity away to.
Best Wishes and be safe with whatever you decide.
Julio
If your not comfortable do not do it. its real simple if he loves you he will understand